Translucent
by thanksfornoticin
Summary: Read it and find out. I ain't about this summery chiz brah. I'm just kidding, I just don't know what to write here.


I'm running circles around myself. I'm tired of running, but I fear if I stop I'll be forced to think, forced to remember everything that has happened to me. Forced to relive the moment my world fell apart. Relive the moment he took his last breathe, the moment he left my world. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to get married, adopt kids, enjoy our lives with one another, but he left before we could even make those plans. He left and now that I've stopped running, the realization that I'm alone comes alive. I stop where I am and fall. I'm nothing without him.

Everything is black. My mind gets like this when I think about him too much. I miss him so much that my brain has to shut itself down. It used to be a lot worse, but now my mind is like a movie screen. I just have to wait for the picture to play, and slowly but surely, it comes back. I wake up in his room. I looked around to see his old hat on the ground. Peculiar. I haven't seen that hat in a while, I bet it still smells just like him, so I mosey on over and pick it up, holding it against my body. It's like he's here with me again.

"I tried to put it on, it just didn't work." The sound boomed through the room, breaking my heart in two all over again.

_Mind, stop playing with me, I can't deal with this._

I walked with the hat in hand to the living room. I needed food, badly. I hadn't eaten in a few days, but that was normal for me now. I grab a bowl, filling it with milk and cereal. Sitting at the breakfast bar, I couldn't bring myself to eat it. The spoon would not reach my mouth.

"You're skin and bones, Phil. Eat."

I dropped my spoon and glanced around the room, but no one was there. The voice sounded all too real.

_I really am going crazy._

I picked up the bowl and placed it back on to the counter.

"No! You have to eat. I'm sorry if I scared you. Please, just eat. For me. I'll leave you alone."

I placed my hands on my temples, attempting to rub away the crazy.

"Brain, please stop. I can't handle this right now. This isn't fair." I said out loud.

"It's not your brain, you're really hearing me. Can't you see me?"

I looked around the room, but nothing was there again. I was still alone. I lowered my head in disappointment and walked back to the lounge. I sat on the couch, turning on the tv, and holding onto the hat for dear life.

"Can you at least feel me?" The voice asked. I tried my hardest to ignore it but something changed. Something cold was on my shoulder, the place where his head used to lay. I jolted up, just wishing it would go away.

"You can feel me!" The voice brightened. "Why can't you see me? I can see you. You look so beautiful, Phil." There was a small laugh. His laugh.

"Look whatever you are, please stop. I'm not in the mood to break down again. I can't go back to that damn hospital." The feeling didn't go away though, it just got stronger. There were hands on either side of his hips, and I was certain someone was there.

"It's me, Phil. I'm not going to let them take you anywhere, ok? It's your life. It's OUR life."

"Dan. You aren't real. You're just my crazy mind wishing you were." When the sentence finished, the feeling around my waist disappeared.

"I am real! See! Turn around!" I did as the voice said, and before me stood a translucent figure. He was tall, tan, and beautiful, just as he left me. My Dan, right within my grasps. A smile was spread across his face. "You see me? YOU SEE ME!"

"Dan…" Was all I could get out. I smacked my head, begging for it to end, but it didn't. I knew that if my brain didn't stop playing tricks, I would get bad again.

"Phil. It's not you, I'm really here. It's really me. I've been trying so hard to get you to notice me. It takes so much energy to do this. I have to keep taking from other places to do it, but it's worth it. You'll never understand how worth it." I walked forward, getting closer to Dan without scaring him away.

"B-but, that's not possible. Ghosts aren't real." I put my arm out, trying to touch him, but when I got close enough, he vanished.

"Oh, fuck me. I just can't get this right. Hold on." Dan's voice resounded. The lights began to flicker and the tv turned off, but Dan was back soon after. "Phil?"

My legs wouldn't move. My voice wouldn't croak. My mind wouldn't think, at least not anything logical.

"Phil, say something! Please. I just need to hear your voice again. It's been so long since we've been together."

"It's not you. It can't be you. This isn't possible." I was dumbfounded. I started to back away, keeping my eyes fixed on the beautiful figure before me. Part of me was glad my mind was going. I needed to see Dan desperately. It had been almost 5 months since I last heard his actual voice and not a recording. I didn't know how to feel. I needed Dan, even if it was fake.

"I can prove I'm real!"

"How? How could you possibly do that?" I smiled.

_Ello yall. So. I'm kinda in a Phan kick. Even though I don't ship it. But yea, I hope you enjoy it. _

Also, side note, if you have read the 'hold it' series, I'm not going to continue with it. I'm so sorry, and the reason I'm writing it here is because I didn't want to upload an author's note and people think it's a chapter when it's really note. So yea.

I love all of you a lot. Like a lot. I'll bake you all cake or something. We'll have a party.


End file.
